Rape Me Because It’s Alright

One of my former classmate blew a sexual harassment she experienced a while ago on social media. Apparently, she got invited to a hotel by her own friend while having her thigh caressed. She cursed the action of this guy — claiming that it was very improper and got her kind of traumatic. People felt sorry about her condition. A lot of people sent her sympathetic words, cursed the guy, and even joined her rage.

While watching that virtual chaos, I brought myself back to those dark nights. There was a moment where I was dropped off at the side of a road. At 4 AM, this drunk girl walked alone for about 1 km to her friend’s dorm after refusing to have sex. I literally kicked that guy’s face for forcing me to fuck him on the back seat of his car. His driver remained silent and obeyed his order to pull the car off immediately. A ripped skirt added up the miserable figure of me who tried so hard not to fall on knees as this head was far from being sober. That dark night passed by — leaving a scar on my pride as a human. My dignity was torn apart just like what he did to my skirt.

Was it a horror night? You may think so. But let me tell you a much worse moment i had. I call it a long night full of terror. Yes, i almost had a forced sex in the car. At least, i managed to pull myself together and protect my precious vagina from unwanted dick with a good kick in his face. Back then before it happened, i had the most abusive yet humiliating tragedy for my sexual consent. It started off when i went to a coffee shop with my friend and got introduced to her male friend. We went home at 2 AM and my dorm was already locked. My friend had her boyfriend at her place, so i couldn’t stay there. This male friend offered his place for me, so i said yes since i had no other option. He didn’t look suspiciously wanting some sex at first, until i was half asleep and he said he was horny as fuck towards me. I clearly turned down his request to have sex. I pretended to sleep while he had his hands roaming over my thigh and butt. The next few minutes, he rubbed his fucking filthy dick against the exposed skin of my waist. I swallowed the disgust down through my throat while feeling every single stroke he did against my skin. That night, i felt like my pride was crushed down lower than the ground.

You must be wondering why i didn’t snap at him and save myself from being sexually harassed. Oh honey, i wish i was born with a fierce level of self protection. But, nah, my armor wasn’t so thick back then. I was overshadowed by fear and worry that he might do physical violence. If that situation happens nowadays, i wouldn’t think twice to land my best punch onto his face. I wouldn’t mind if i get bruises for defending myself against that son of a bitch.

I told my friends about these tragedies, yet only few people were concerned to me. Most of them even threw some comments like, “You should have enjoyed it!”, or “Didn’t you like it? I mean u like to fuck”. Man, despite the fact that i like fucking so much, it doesn’t mean that i want to fuck just anyone in front of me. Is it true that people like me doesn’t deserve to be respected in term of sexual consent?

Even if the victim is a prostitute, it is still a crime of sexual violence. You can’t escape from the fact that you are a sexual violence perpetrator, no matter who the victim is. I am none of a prostitute for sure, but people barely think that a sex enthusiast like me would experience any form of sexual abuse since they think i would always be eager for sex no matter what. Consent is every single human’s ultimate right in earth. Sexual activity is intimate, personal, and sacred for most people. That’s why consent is the gate. Consent involves one’s willingness and readiness to expose not only genitals — yet also insecurities, lust, and comfort spot. A sexual violence victim is never gonna be alright for entire life, that applies for me as well.

I had more sexual assaults even after those nightmares. Nonetheless, those dark nights didn’t make me a less honored human being. I pick the shattered pieces of me on the ground and stick them back together. My pride and dignity stand stronger than ever after numerous unwanted events of sexual harassment. Thanks to those motherfuckers for building me an invisible iron shields around my mind through a painful way. I have been convincing myself these times that bad things happen to us for the sake of its lesson. Dark nights may be coming back to me anytime, but at least i know how to protect myself better inside out.

So, if you ever have this kind of thing — if dark night struck you out, please do not be disgusted of yourself. Because you are still you. Your dignity is still up there so high and you are not less respected. Put on some thick armor and love yourself a little more.

The Liberty lies in death.