The Battle between Logic and Feeling in Sex: What intimacy tells to your guts.
Many people wonder how did I manage to keep a fine line with my sex partners. You know, the non-strings-attached principal. If you ask me now, the answer may sound so much easier than the actual situation. It took me years to realize and define what the ‘fine line’ is.
Therefore, I’d like to put an analogy to set things easier to be addressed. Human can’t walk by nature only. You need to crawl first, then fall a thousand times to finally take a stable step on your feet. That’s how it goes with my sex journey as well. I went through countless efforts just to tell myself that the attention I deserve is up to a matter of the bed only.
Sex is a circumstance where you find multiple senses mixed into one scene. If I were to put it in a simpler phrase, sex is as dangerous as its consequences. I mean, you thrill the most sensitive parts of your body. This so said most favorite pleasure in the world — creates many tricks to our mind. Human brain responds to physical senses in a complicated way, but the output is likely to be over-translated by some (or most) people — including the old me. I used to think that I was a special one for them just because the way they looked or touched me, or how they showed pleading expression — craving for more pleasure. Guess what, that was just one of sex’s trap.
Before letting your mind wander further, please keep in mind that making love doesn’t always indicate the actual romance exists between you and your partner. It is actually just a melodramatic term for sex. Don’t call somebody a jerk just because he/she didn’t reply you after an intense moment in bed. Don’t feel responsible for somebody after only sleeping once or twice together. When u reach this point, you should open up your eyes about what sex might do to your weak mind. In a moment when you are aware that sex got you carried away, get your logic on. Ask yourself whether it is truly about the person you fuck or the fuck session you had.
As time goes by, I became used to rethink and redefine my feelings every time I had sex. I guess I just refused to fall into sex’s tricks so easily. That didn’t come up with no reason. My logic told me that I wasn’t ready to be committed in a relationship. I was so comfortable being single and not attached to anyone. I could choose whoever I’d like to fuck without morally and personally responsible over their feelings. I have defined many terms of sexual relationship in my own sense. There’s a fine yet dangerous line between sex and love that I call ‘Intimacy’. This is my limit where I don’t wanna have less or more feelings about sex. It fits me the best. I’m satisfied with the fact that me and my partner can dive into each other’s desire during a session.
Intimacy teaches me that lust isn’t always rough or fierce. Lust isn’t always representing human’s outrage side. I can find comfort in lust. The moment I can feel my partner’s presence and desire towards me, that’s when I absorb the essence of intimacy. It’s funny how people tends to avoid the term “lust” as form of sexual eagerness, then end up using ‘love’ as an excuse. What’s wrong with lust? What’s so bad about it? It just emphasizes how ‘human’ you are.
Love has been over-used as a victim of disguised lust aim. People are used to put love as the front-liner to justify their sexual actions. Now we ask the reversed question. Why should it be love? What has it done so wrong to receive all the blame that comes as misperception? I mean, love is sacred. In my own sense, love is when I surrender my huge ego for the sake of somebody else’s convenience. It is when I don’t think twice to cook him some food no matter how tired I am. It is when my eyes got teary for an overwhelming warmth that fulfills my heart during sex. It is when I give him space he needs despite my dying urge to have him around everyday.
Can you sense where I am about to head this topic toward? Yes, a confession with a lesson — to be precise. After holding my principal of no strings attached for a long time, my logic lost in a battle with my feeling. I thought I had become one of those who mistook lust as love. My mind worked hard to figure out whether I had fallen for this man. I asked myself with countless questions. Did I take the intimacy too far? Am I ready to set my lust, attention, and love for this person only? Do I need really need him? What is his significance for me and what kind of light does he bring into my life?
It turned out that I have never really thought about our sex session. Yes, the sex was regarded very nice. But it was just sprinkles of cinnamon to my sweet rolls. The intimacy that I felt during sex with him didn’t appear as strong as when he told me his feelings or the way he sees the world. Every time his figure pops out inside of my mind, I’m always dying to embrace that broken soul. His concealed fragility touched my heart. His honesty pulled me even closer to him. I love him for every pieces carried inside his mind. It took a pretty long time for me to realize that our sex had become a mere excuse to keep him around me — to dig deeper into his soul. .
I never judge somebody who falls for sex partner. I mean, hey, I experienced it as well! I just humbly suggest you to go through a thorough thinking before deciding that it is a ‘love’. In order to achieve a steady decision of where your heart belongs, I believe that you need the role of logic here. You should find when and how the spark happens the best between you two. Validate your feeling first before acting like you are mad in love for the misperceive might cause pain in vain later.
